“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.” (Carl Rogers)

Saturday, 4 April 2015

Reasons to be Cheerful (Part Ten)

There's something enticing to me, something irrestistible about the combination of visual art together with music - I heard Respighi for the first time the other day and just find his three movements based on three paintings by Botticelli magical...

I experienced one of those digestive days on Thursday, complete with panda eyes and bleugh limp listlessness - but there was no dislocation. This is new. No depression, no sense of being a million miles away from existence, peering out from my eyes into the world. None of that, just the illness to ride out until well again. One day out of life. That's all. Did I ever talk here about how my sense of being me filled me up like a balloon one day? I'd been for maybe 3 or 4 counselling sessions (person-centred) and visited a number of issues that had essentially been holding my sense of self in abeyance, or just plain fear - how could I have been scared to have been myself when this was the one thing I wanted so..? Still, I was, and the counsellor helped me shake things up. One afternoon, I was walking to my guitar lesson, guitar on back, when all of a sudden - woosh! - the oddest kind of tickly, warm, laughy feeling all over me and I knew what it was, I recognised my self fitting my body, perhaps for the first time ever. It was a very lovely feeling to have my skin mark the boundaries of who I am. Welcome, Billy! Anyway, I think that explains why my small day of illness is not now marked also by existential despair. There's a reason to be cheerful and sing...
Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them.
Oliver Wendell Holmes' (1809-1894) "The Voiceless"

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