“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.” (Carl Rogers)

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Reasons to be Cheerful (Part Thirty Six)

Dad not so good in the week, it might be the thyroid again and I've managed to get his hormone tweaked again. Been up and waking me severally in the night. The poor sod was so very miserable though, but fortunately, we now have lorazepam - I don't want to overdo it, as they're addictive, but I gave him one of those, and I had a couple of special biscuits just for the fun of it and all of a sudden, like Huxley's Brave New World, "All the advantages of Christianity and alcohol; none of their defects." - it's reassuring to know "..there is always soma, delicious soma, half a gramme for a half-holiday, a gramme for a week-end, two grammes for a trip to the gorgeous East, three for a dark eternity on the moon..."

I got my Heidegger shit in order this week, and I do also feel that I'm moving towards being a process, not sure exactly where this is heading to but I feel that I am heading generally in the right direction, feeling complete in myself, comfortable in my skin, dasein resplendent, reinforced by listening to the final part of Carl Rogers' audio sessions and by WonderDegger.

Let me count the ways
And booze came back to me after such a long absence. I made September dry and it was both difficult and worthwhile. But, oh, my darling, my love, how lost did I feel... What a beautiful reunion - there was laughter and tears in equal measure, such a wonderful time. I remember looking at the six cans of cider in the cupboard for the whole of this long long month and this afternoon I was thinking, well, I'll just have one of you. Just one of you cheeky, shiny, bright and gold lovelies. And then, well, two won't hurt. What do you think - did I drink all six? Read on, dear reader...


And I had a great time. A simple time. I watched endless episodes of Six Feet Under and just loved the sharp focus on what it is to be an artist and what it is to be in a relationship and to feel trapped in relationships and just what it is to be alive and what it is to not be alive. Yes.


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